Three factors control your connection. The same principles apply in social organizations, personal and professional interactions. Sometimes you are the disconnect; sometimesthe audience members are detached from you or your message. Generally this communication misfire is a combination.
Yes, God gave us two ears and one mouth. Are you really listening to the other person? Are you listening to both their words and their tone of voice? Ever heard someone answer the question, “How are you?” with the most deadpan, monotone “fine.” Listen to only the word and you go on as if everything is wonderful. In this case the tone of voice screams so loudly that the word is insignificant. When you are truly listening to both the words and the tone, you feel the problem. Immediately call a halt to further conversation. Something is not ‘fine’ with this person.
Most people listen for a break in the conversation in order to interject their input. Listening for a word, any word, from the other person qualifies a change of speakers in the conversation. Genuine listening is a silent form of flattery. Listening only for a gap between words or a sound of some sort from the other person does NOT qualify as genuine listening.
The first key to connecting with the other person is genuine listening.
The mumbled ‘fine’ indicates a mental or emotional preoccupation. This person is obviously not fine and not connecting with you at this point. Your timing for a discussion with them may not be ideal. If you are ready, willing and able to listen to them with an open mind and an open heart, your timing may be perfect. If you choose to push your own agenda at this moment, you will fail. The timing is far less than ideal. Pushing your own agenda when the other person is not mentally available to receive is like throwing feathers into the wind; you have zero chance of success in having your message hit the target.
Schedule a time to discuss your agenda item later when both parties are receptive. Your courtesy will be appreciated and your odds of success will be vastly improved. Change the time and perhaps even change the setting. Some discussions are better face to face than email or telephone. If you must discuss delicate matters on the telephone, asking if this is a good time to talk before you launch into the meat of the discussion improves the chances of success. Timing for a face to face discussion or even a telephone discussion is critical. Email timing is not as significant since people have the flexibility of opening and answering the email on their own time preference. Being cognizant of the other person improves the flow of effective communication. Simply asking, “Is this is a good time to talk for a few minutes?” Or ask, “When would be a good time for us to discuss ______?”
The second key to connecting with the other person is timing.
Connecting also requires the proper delivery of the message. Voice inflection or tones also convey messages. The exact same words receive totally different significance depending on the manner in which they are delivered. As noted earlier “fine” implies one meaning as a word and a totally different impression depending on whether it is delivered with a cheerful smile or a blah monotone.
The delivery of the same words will receive totally opposite results with different tones and facial expressions. A frown and clenched teeth delivery of, “We need to talk” will strike trepidation in the mind of the receiver. Saying “We need to talk” with a glint of a smile in the eyes and a mischievous lilting tone conveys a totally different impression. Delivery of the message depends on not only the words but also the tone of voice and manner of speaking. The tone and manner of delivery can easily overshadow the actual words.
Listen to the words and tone of voice as someone responds to you. Be courteous of the timing of your message to be certain the recipient is ready to receive. Deliver your message in a manner in which it will be received as you intend for it to be received. Listening, timing and delivery all affect the quality and reception of your message.
For additional fine points on connecting with your audience, join me at www.Elaine4Success.com.
Showing posts with label timing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label timing. Show all posts
Friday, February 19, 2010
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Trapped By Excuses
Risk terrifies the faint of heart and inspires the entrepreneurial spirit.
The motto of the “Don’t Dare Try It” people according to John Maxwell in his book “Failing Forward” reads “I would rather try nothing great and succeed than try something great and risk failure.” Such a statement and belief tears at my soul. As one who has been psychologically unemployable, an entrepreneur, for over thirty years, that is inconceivable. Yet I know people who actually think in that exact pattern.
The motto of the “Don’t Dare Miss it” people reads “I would rather try something great and fail than try nothing great and succeed.” Only through stretching ourselves, stepping out of our comfort zone and risking do we achieve fulfillment. Success never chases you down begging to bestow its rewards upon you. Every success requires some risk but the greatest risk of all consists of doing nothing and regretting the result.
Why do people avoid taking risk? There are six common traps which make people back away from risk. The ideas for the titles belong to John Maxwell.
1. Embarrassment Trap
No one chooses to fail and lose face. Every successful person, myself included, has several people around them not only expecting them to fail but openly stating the expectation of failure. Are you going to let that stop you? The true committed entrepreneur shrugs it off and proceeds forward. The timid quit. If you fail, so what. Don’t gift wrap the garbage. Let it go and go on.
2. Rationalization Trap
Even know someone who gets caught over analyzing everything? Keep picking at anything long enough and you can find a way to talk yourself out of taking action. Analysis paralysis disease afflicts everyone who seeks an excuse not to take action. Due diligence to the extreme in order to avoid making a decision.
3. Unrealistic Expectation Trap
This person starts a new business in an industry where they have zero experience, plans to invest very little money and earn a multiple 5 figure income within 30 days. Fast money with no effort simply does not exist. Success requires effort.
4. Fairness Trap
Whining that something should not have happened to you does absolutely nothing to solve the problem. Complaining that something was not fair smacks of the blame game or “poor me.” Nothing ever moves forward while moaning about life not being fair. Find something good in the situation and move on with life.
5. Timing Trap
Procrastinators anonymous considered the formation of a group but never got around to setting the first meeting. Putting off duties until tomorrow never accomplishes anything. Tomorrow never comes. When you run low on money you can earn more. When you run out of time, you are done. Stop waiting for the perfect time and take constructive action today.
6. Inspiration Trap
Waiting for inspiration becomes a way of putting off starting. An amateur waits for a flash of inspiration to sit down and write whereas a professional starts writing and allow inspiration to flow through them. The flash of an idea never lingers. Writ it down and take action immediately or at least within 24 hours. I keep a notepad on my nightstand and in my exercise room. I keep a tiny tape recorder in my car for those idea flashes when I am unable to safely write.
You can make money and achieve success or you can make excuses. Rarely, if ever, will you make both at the same time.
For more success tips and techniques and words of inspiration, join me at www.Elaine4Success.com. Create the life you love and deserve. Stop procrastinating.
The motto of the “Don’t Dare Try It” people according to John Maxwell in his book “Failing Forward” reads “I would rather try nothing great and succeed than try something great and risk failure.” Such a statement and belief tears at my soul. As one who has been psychologically unemployable, an entrepreneur, for over thirty years, that is inconceivable. Yet I know people who actually think in that exact pattern.
The motto of the “Don’t Dare Miss it” people reads “I would rather try something great and fail than try nothing great and succeed.” Only through stretching ourselves, stepping out of our comfort zone and risking do we achieve fulfillment. Success never chases you down begging to bestow its rewards upon you. Every success requires some risk but the greatest risk of all consists of doing nothing and regretting the result.
Why do people avoid taking risk? There are six common traps which make people back away from risk. The ideas for the titles belong to John Maxwell.
1. Embarrassment Trap
No one chooses to fail and lose face. Every successful person, myself included, has several people around them not only expecting them to fail but openly stating the expectation of failure. Are you going to let that stop you? The true committed entrepreneur shrugs it off and proceeds forward. The timid quit. If you fail, so what. Don’t gift wrap the garbage. Let it go and go on.
2. Rationalization Trap
Even know someone who gets caught over analyzing everything? Keep picking at anything long enough and you can find a way to talk yourself out of taking action. Analysis paralysis disease afflicts everyone who seeks an excuse not to take action. Due diligence to the extreme in order to avoid making a decision.
3. Unrealistic Expectation Trap
This person starts a new business in an industry where they have zero experience, plans to invest very little money and earn a multiple 5 figure income within 30 days. Fast money with no effort simply does not exist. Success requires effort.
4. Fairness Trap
Whining that something should not have happened to you does absolutely nothing to solve the problem. Complaining that something was not fair smacks of the blame game or “poor me.” Nothing ever moves forward while moaning about life not being fair. Find something good in the situation and move on with life.
5. Timing Trap
Procrastinators anonymous considered the formation of a group but never got around to setting the first meeting. Putting off duties until tomorrow never accomplishes anything. Tomorrow never comes. When you run low on money you can earn more. When you run out of time, you are done. Stop waiting for the perfect time and take constructive action today.
6. Inspiration Trap
Waiting for inspiration becomes a way of putting off starting. An amateur waits for a flash of inspiration to sit down and write whereas a professional starts writing and allow inspiration to flow through them. The flash of an idea never lingers. Writ it down and take action immediately or at least within 24 hours. I keep a notepad on my nightstand and in my exercise room. I keep a tiny tape recorder in my car for those idea flashes when I am unable to safely write.
You can make money and achieve success or you can make excuses. Rarely, if ever, will you make both at the same time.
For more success tips and techniques and words of inspiration, join me at www.Elaine4Success.com. Create the life you love and deserve. Stop procrastinating.
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