Are You Connected?

Three factors control your connection. The same principles apply in social organizations, personal and professional interactions. Sometimes you are the disconnect; sometimesthe audience members are detached from you or your message. Generally this communication misfire is a combination.

Yes, God gave us two ears and one mouth. Are you really listening to the other person? Are you listening to both their words and their tone of voice? Ever heard someone answer the question, “How are you?” with the most deadpan, monotone “fine.” Listen to only the word and you go on as if everything is wonderful. In this case the tone of voice screams so loudly that the word is insignificant. When you are truly listening to both the words and the tone, you feel the problem. Immediately call a halt to further conversation. Something is not ‘fine’ with this person.

Most people listen for a break in the conversation in order to interject their input. Listening for a word, any word, from the other person qualifies a change of speakers in the conversation. Genuine listening is a silent form of flattery. Listening only for a gap between words or a sound of some sort from the other person does NOT qualify as genuine listening.

The first key to connecting with the other person is genuine listening.

The mumbled ‘fine’ indicates a mental or emotional preoccupation. This person is obviously not fine and not connecting with you at this point. Your timing for a discussion with them may not be ideal. If you are ready, willing and able to listen to them with an open mind and an open heart, your timing may be perfect. If you choose to push your own agenda at this moment, you will fail. The timing is far less than ideal. Pushing your own agenda when the other person is not mentally available to receive is like throwing feathers into the wind; you have zero chance of success in having your message hit the target.



Schedule a time to discuss your agenda item later when both parties are receptive. Your courtesy will be appreciated and your odds of success will be vastly improved. Change the time and perhaps even change the setting. Some discussions are better face to face than email or telephone. If you must discuss delicate matters on the telephone, asking if this is a good time to talk before you launch into the meat of the discussion improves the chances of success. Timing for a face to face discussion or even a telephone discussion is critical. Email timing is not as significant since people have the flexibility of opening and answering the email on their own time preference. Being cognizant of the other person improves the flow of effective communication. Simply asking, “Is this is a good time to talk for a few minutes?” Or ask, “When would be a good time for us to discuss ______?”

The second key to connecting with the other person is timing.

Connecting also requires the proper delivery of the message. Voice inflection or tones also convey messages. The exact same words receive totally different significance depending on the manner in which they are delivered. As noted earlier “fine” implies one meaning as a word and a totally different impression depending on whether it is delivered with a cheerful smile or a blah monotone.

The delivery of the same words will receive totally opposite results with different tones and facial expressions. A frown and clenched teeth delivery of, “We need to talk” will strike trepidation in the mind of the receiver. Saying “We need to talk” with a glint of a smile in the eyes and a mischievous lilting tone conveys a totally different impression. Delivery of the message depends on not only the words but also the tone of voice and manner of speaking. The tone and manner of delivery can easily overshadow the actual words.

Listen to the words and tone of voice as someone responds to you. Be courteous of the timing of your message to be certain the recipient is ready to receive. Deliver your message in a manner in which it will be received as you intend for it to be received. Listening, timing and delivery all affect the quality and reception of your message.

For additional fine points on connecting with your audience, join me at www.Elaine4Success.com.