It is just one of those days. Murphy’s Law declares that what could go wrong, will go wrong. Parkinson’s law states that Murphy was an optimist. When one of those situations slaps your face and kicks your emotional equilibrium out of the park, sit back, take a deep breath and use a tension release system.
Abraham Lincoln perfected a system of expounding on his thoughts without regard to what anyone might think about his language. Political politeness never entered the consideration. He wrote a letter with full open expression of his thoughts. Frequently these letters were addressed to various Union officers who made tactical battlefield errors resulting in tremendous loss of life. Each letter was written in detail, folded, placed in an envelope and deposited in the steamer trunk mailbox. None of these letters ever reached the recipient or the US Postal system. The Lincoln “letter to the steamer trunk” system provided an effective venting system without harming anyone.
Ed Tate, professional speaker and coach, introduced the “scream at a chair” system. Imagine the object of your displeasure seated in the chair; rant and rave to your heart’s content. This method is best used out of earshot of your neighbors or any household members. This is particularly unsuitable in the vicinity of small children or animals. This method is far less expensive and less messy than throwing china against a wall.
My personal favorite emotional release technique is physical. No, not throwing china. Go for a run, go for a long walk, take a bike ride or go to the gym and lift weights. Physical activity releases negative pent up energy in a positive way. Physical exercise burns calories as opposed to eating a pound of chocolates or a gallon of ice cream which adds calories.
Rent a funny movie, listen to your favorite comedians’ CD or watch their DVD. Laugh. Laughing is another way of releasing tension. If you plan on hysterical laughter, once again you may choose to be out of hearing distance of your neighbors. Though they will not call the gentlemen with the pristine white straight jackets to come get you for laughing too much, doing this too frequently may raise eyebrows.
None of these tension relievers will cause the nice officers with the flashing lights atop their vehicles to give you a breathalyzer or take you to a cozy enclosure with a roommate named Bubba.
Everyone experiences having their emotional buttons pushed. Sometimes our family, friends and co-workers perfect the technique of knowing exactly where to insert the emotional electric shock barb.
Science has not discovered the exact location of a filter between the thoughts and the outward sound of the knife sharp words. In fact, the possibility exists that some people may have a faulty installation of that filter. Not everyone came equipped with a “think before you speak” mechanism. Some people seem completely oblivious of the necessity for such a filter. Some people are simply oblivious to the feelings of others; they either do not care or are unconscious of verbal impacts.
Remember, it is not about you, it is their issue. Unfortunately you are left to deal with the wounded ego.
It is not a matter of IF your emotional buttons will be pushed, but when. Reacting openly and with hostility to the perpetrator of the verbal zinger only extends your pain. The more public attention you draw to the insult, the more impact it has on everyone. Let it go and use the Lincoln letter, scream at a chair, physical exercise or laugh system to relieve your tension and restore your sanity.
Once you are in a calmer mindset, you will be better equipped to handle the situation in a manner that you will not regret later. Fortunately you received the filter from thoughts to words as original installation.
In case your filter has a faulty installation, contact me at www.Elaine4Success.com for a filter implementation or repair.
Showing posts with label emotional. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Dealing With Insults
Ouch! What do you do when a young colleague delivers a zinger?
Choices:
1. You can lash back with one of your own.
2. You can quietly slink away into an emotional corner.
3. You can resolve to get even
4. You can pick your ego up off the floor and commit to prove your value
On a call earlier today, a young “hot shot” uttered the emphatic line, “If a really old 50 year old woman can do this then so can everyone else.” He continued totally oblivious to the fact that one person on that elite management team call was 65.
In theory a filter exists between the thoughts and the verbal utterance of speech. Not always. Everyone has at one time or another spoken in haste and regretted the words. Words of anger or during high stress sometimes regretfully slip out. Profound sincere apologies soothe ruffled feelings; however, once the words break free into earshot, they can not be retracted. It is like hitting the “send” button on an email and instantly realizing the error. Too late. The “Undo” button does not work for “Message sent successfully.”
Even if no one else on the call registered the words, as the 65 year old person on the call, the words stung. What action comes next?
1. Lash back? Emotional retorts tend to transfigure the insult from a mosquito to a bumble bee sting. Everything becomes amplified and uncomfortable for everyone on the call. Emphasizing the degree of hurt rarely solves the issue. If you must present a verbal slap, at least do it off line.
2. Sulking in a “pity party” closet wastes time and accomplishes zero benefit. Give yourself five seconds if you must and move on with your day. Harboring hurt feelings is similar to dragging around baggage from your childhood. So what if your sister was given a prettier doll on her fifth birthday than you received. Get over it. Lugging around a sack of perceived injustices only slows you down on your journey toward success.
3. Resolve to get even. “Vengeance is mine,” said the Lord. He instead suggested forgiveness. Bullies in the school yard and people who are angry at life fight back with vengeance. You are a much bigger person than that. Being reluctant to forgive others can be an indication of not forgiving yourself. Even if you have a perfectly legitimate reason for being angry or hurt, indulging in those emotions wastes perfectly good time and energy.
4. Your ego is scattered on the floor in multiple pieces. Get a dustpan, super glue and put the puzzle together again. Taking positive action starts the healing process.
One young mother of five active little ones said,”I really would like to have a nervous break down, but I just don’t have the time.” It is almost impossible to be depressed and active at the same time.
Find your passion. Determine exactly what you want. Design a plan on acquiring that goal and go for it. When you are busy moving step by step up your career mountain, you will not have time to look back down the hill.
Various techniques exist for removing old emotional baggage.
Make a list of every injustice in your life. Crumple the list into a ball and throw it in the garbage. Throw the list in the fireplace, assuming you do not have a gas sealed fireplace. Put the list in a bucket and fill the bucket with water; leave it there until the paper dissolves.
In ancient times when the troubles of the village were overwhelming, a healthy male goat was brought into the temple. The priest put his hand on the head of the goat and recited a long list of woes. The goat was then released to run away. The modern term “scape goat” originated in this manner.
The only healthy solution is to reassemble your ego and move forward with your life. The original incident was not about you. It is only an insult to you if you accept it as such. You have a choice to accept it or move forward with your life with even more determination.
For more specific tips and techniques in dealing with life’s little dilemmas, send me your comments in the “contact Elaine” section of http://www.elaine4success.com/.
Choices:
1. You can lash back with one of your own.
2. You can quietly slink away into an emotional corner.
3. You can resolve to get even
4. You can pick your ego up off the floor and commit to prove your value
On a call earlier today, a young “hot shot” uttered the emphatic line, “If a really old 50 year old woman can do this then so can everyone else.” He continued totally oblivious to the fact that one person on that elite management team call was 65.
In theory a filter exists between the thoughts and the verbal utterance of speech. Not always. Everyone has at one time or another spoken in haste and regretted the words. Words of anger or during high stress sometimes regretfully slip out. Profound sincere apologies soothe ruffled feelings; however, once the words break free into earshot, they can not be retracted. It is like hitting the “send” button on an email and instantly realizing the error. Too late. The “Undo” button does not work for “Message sent successfully.”
Even if no one else on the call registered the words, as the 65 year old person on the call, the words stung. What action comes next?
1. Lash back? Emotional retorts tend to transfigure the insult from a mosquito to a bumble bee sting. Everything becomes amplified and uncomfortable for everyone on the call. Emphasizing the degree of hurt rarely solves the issue. If you must present a verbal slap, at least do it off line.
2. Sulking in a “pity party” closet wastes time and accomplishes zero benefit. Give yourself five seconds if you must and move on with your day. Harboring hurt feelings is similar to dragging around baggage from your childhood. So what if your sister was given a prettier doll on her fifth birthday than you received. Get over it. Lugging around a sack of perceived injustices only slows you down on your journey toward success.
3. Resolve to get even. “Vengeance is mine,” said the Lord. He instead suggested forgiveness. Bullies in the school yard and people who are angry at life fight back with vengeance. You are a much bigger person than that. Being reluctant to forgive others can be an indication of not forgiving yourself. Even if you have a perfectly legitimate reason for being angry or hurt, indulging in those emotions wastes perfectly good time and energy.
4. Your ego is scattered on the floor in multiple pieces. Get a dustpan, super glue and put the puzzle together again. Taking positive action starts the healing process.
One young mother of five active little ones said,”I really would like to have a nervous break down, but I just don’t have the time.” It is almost impossible to be depressed and active at the same time.
Find your passion. Determine exactly what you want. Design a plan on acquiring that goal and go for it. When you are busy moving step by step up your career mountain, you will not have time to look back down the hill.
Various techniques exist for removing old emotional baggage.
Make a list of every injustice in your life. Crumple the list into a ball and throw it in the garbage. Throw the list in the fireplace, assuming you do not have a gas sealed fireplace. Put the list in a bucket and fill the bucket with water; leave it there until the paper dissolves.
In ancient times when the troubles of the village were overwhelming, a healthy male goat was brought into the temple. The priest put his hand on the head of the goat and recited a long list of woes. The goat was then released to run away. The modern term “scape goat” originated in this manner.
The only healthy solution is to reassemble your ego and move forward with your life. The original incident was not about you. It is only an insult to you if you accept it as such. You have a choice to accept it or move forward with your life with even more determination.
For more specific tips and techniques in dealing with life’s little dilemmas, send me your comments in the “contact Elaine” section of http://www.elaine4success.com/.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Rocks of Life
My personal rock related to deservability. My mother, a gentle non-confrontational lady, always took the broken piece. When she served a cake or pie or anything, she always said "the broken piece belongs to the cook." Only the perfectly shaped and presented pieces were served to my father and brother. She always took the broken piece for herself. If there were two broken pieces, the second broken piece was automatically given to me; I was female, therefore, less than my father and brother. This innocent act impressed upon me that I was less deserving than the males. Females in our household were regarded as second class.
Who knows where this impression originated? The fact that it existed all during my youth and persisted through my adulthood formed a deservability issue in my soul. No malicious intent was intended. Perhaps my mother thought she was honoring my father and brother. Since she has passed away, I am no longer able to question her on her thoughts. She did not directly tell me I was inferior to my father and brother; however, the impression of my lesser worth impressed that fact upon my self worth. That feeling of inferiority existed as my emotional "rock in the field."
Throughout the next several years and decades, I struggled with deservability. Even though I worked hard and achieved, a plateau existed. It took years of intensive self examination and mental exercise to remove that emotional deservability rock. The fact that the rock no longer exists serves as proof that emotional rocks can be and should be demolished.
What emotional rock holds you back from achieving your dreams and goals? Have you placed a barrier in your own path to success? Identify each barrier and remove them. Self imposed rocks are removable. If you placed the rock in your own path for whatever reason, you are also capable of removing it. I'll gladly loan you my crow bar and ledge hammer. The relief experienced by demolishing that rock and carting it away to the dump feels like lifting Mount Everest from your shoulders and tossing it casually in a deep ravine never to be seen or heard from again.
For more inspiration, join me at http://www.elaine4success.com/
This series of rocks in your life will be continued. Let me assist you in clearing the entire field.
Who knows where this impression originated? The fact that it existed all during my youth and persisted through my adulthood formed a deservability issue in my soul. No malicious intent was intended. Perhaps my mother thought she was honoring my father and brother. Since she has passed away, I am no longer able to question her on her thoughts. She did not directly tell me I was inferior to my father and brother; however, the impression of my lesser worth impressed that fact upon my self worth. That feeling of inferiority existed as my emotional "rock in the field."
Throughout the next several years and decades, I struggled with deservability. Even though I worked hard and achieved, a plateau existed. It took years of intensive self examination and mental exercise to remove that emotional deservability rock. The fact that the rock no longer exists serves as proof that emotional rocks can be and should be demolished.
What emotional rock holds you back from achieving your dreams and goals? Have you placed a barrier in your own path to success? Identify each barrier and remove them. Self imposed rocks are removable. If you placed the rock in your own path for whatever reason, you are also capable of removing it. I'll gladly loan you my crow bar and ledge hammer. The relief experienced by demolishing that rock and carting it away to the dump feels like lifting Mount Everest from your shoulders and tossing it casually in a deep ravine never to be seen or heard from again.
For more inspiration, join me at http://www.elaine4success.com/
This series of rocks in your life will be continued. Let me assist you in clearing the entire field.
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