Dealing With Insults

Ouch! What do you do when a young colleague delivers a zinger?

Choices:

1. You can lash back with one of your own.

2. You can quietly slink away into an emotional corner.

3. You can resolve to get even

4. You can pick your ego up off the floor and commit to prove your value


On a call earlier today, a young “hot shot” uttered the emphatic line, “If a really old 50 year old woman can do this then so can everyone else.” He continued totally oblivious to the fact that one person on that elite management team call was 65.

In theory a filter exists between the thoughts and the verbal utterance of speech. Not always. Everyone has at one time or another spoken in haste and regretted the words. Words of anger or during high stress sometimes regretfully slip out. Profound sincere apologies soothe ruffled feelings; however, once the words break free into earshot, they can not be retracted. It is like hitting the “send” button on an email and instantly realizing the error. Too late. The “Undo” button does not work for “Message sent successfully.”

Even if no one else on the call registered the words, as the 65 year old person on the call, the words stung. What action comes next?

1. Lash back? Emotional retorts tend to transfigure the insult from a mosquito to a bumble bee sting. Everything becomes amplified and uncomfortable for everyone on the call. Emphasizing the degree of hurt rarely solves the issue. If you must present a verbal slap, at least do it off line.

2. Sulking in a “pity party” closet wastes time and accomplishes zero benefit. Give yourself five seconds if you must and move on with your day. Harboring hurt feelings is similar to dragging around baggage from your childhood. So what if your sister was given a prettier doll on her fifth birthday than you received. Get over it. Lugging around a sack of perceived injustices only slows you down on your journey toward success.

3. Resolve to get even. “Vengeance is mine,” said the Lord. He instead suggested forgiveness. Bullies in the school yard and people who are angry at life fight back with vengeance. You are a much bigger person than that. Being reluctant to forgive others can be an indication of not forgiving yourself. Even if you have a perfectly legitimate reason for being angry or hurt, indulging in those emotions wastes perfectly good time and energy.

4. Your ego is scattered on the floor in multiple pieces. Get a dustpan, super glue and put the puzzle together again. Taking positive action starts the healing process.

One young mother of five active little ones said,”I really would like to have a nervous break down, but I just don’t have the time.” It is almost impossible to be depressed and active at the same time.

Find your passion. Determine exactly what you want. Design a plan on acquiring that goal and go for it. When you are busy moving step by step up your career mountain, you will not have time to look back down the hill.

Various techniques exist for removing old emotional baggage.

Make a list of every injustice in your life. Crumple the list into a ball and throw it in the garbage. Throw the list in the fireplace, assuming you do not have a gas sealed fireplace. Put the list in a bucket and fill the bucket with water; leave it there until the paper dissolves.

In ancient times when the troubles of the village were overwhelming, a healthy male goat was brought into the temple. The priest put his hand on the head of the goat and recited a long list of woes. The goat was then released to run away. The modern term “scape goat” originated in this manner.

The only healthy solution is to reassemble your ego and move forward with your life. The original incident was not about you. It is only an insult to you if you accept it as such. You have a choice to accept it or move forward with your life with even more determination.

For more specific tips and techniques in dealing with life’s little dilemmas, send me your comments in the “contact Elaine” section of http://www.elaine4success.com/.