It is just one of those days. Murphy’s Law declares that what could go wrong, will go wrong. Parkinson’s law states that Murphy was an optimist. When one of those situations slaps your face and kicks your emotional equilibrium out of the park, sit back, take a deep breath and use a tension release system.
Abraham Lincoln perfected a system of expounding on his thoughts without regard to what anyone might think about his language. Political politeness never entered the consideration. He wrote a letter with full open expression of his thoughts. Frequently these letters were addressed to various Union officers who made tactical battlefield errors resulting in tremendous loss of life. Each letter was written in detail, folded, placed in an envelope and deposited in the steamer trunk mailbox. None of these letters ever reached the recipient or the US Postal system. The Lincoln “letter to the steamer trunk” system provided an effective venting system without harming anyone.
Ed Tate, professional speaker and coach, introduced the “scream at a chair” system. Imagine the object of your displeasure seated in the chair; rant and rave to your heart’s content. This method is best used out of earshot of your neighbors or any household members. This is particularly unsuitable in the vicinity of small children or animals. This method is far less expensive and less messy than throwing china against a wall.
My personal favorite emotional release technique is physical. No, not throwing china. Go for a run, go for a long walk, take a bike ride or go to the gym and lift weights. Physical activity releases negative pent up energy in a positive way. Physical exercise burns calories as opposed to eating a pound of chocolates or a gallon of ice cream which adds calories.
Rent a funny movie, listen to your favorite comedians’ CD or watch their DVD. Laugh. Laughing is another way of releasing tension. If you plan on hysterical laughter, once again you may choose to be out of hearing distance of your neighbors. Though they will not call the gentlemen with the pristine white straight jackets to come get you for laughing too much, doing this too frequently may raise eyebrows.
None of these tension relievers will cause the nice officers with the flashing lights atop their vehicles to give you a breathalyzer or take you to a cozy enclosure with a roommate named Bubba.
Everyone experiences having their emotional buttons pushed. Sometimes our family, friends and co-workers perfect the technique of knowing exactly where to insert the emotional electric shock barb.
Science has not discovered the exact location of a filter between the thoughts and the outward sound of the knife sharp words. In fact, the possibility exists that some people may have a faulty installation of that filter. Not everyone came equipped with a “think before you speak” mechanism. Some people seem completely oblivious of the necessity for such a filter. Some people are simply oblivious to the feelings of others; they either do not care or are unconscious of verbal impacts.
Remember, it is not about you, it is their issue. Unfortunately you are left to deal with the wounded ego.
It is not a matter of IF your emotional buttons will be pushed, but when. Reacting openly and with hostility to the perpetrator of the verbal zinger only extends your pain. The more public attention you draw to the insult, the more impact it has on everyone. Let it go and use the Lincoln letter, scream at a chair, physical exercise or laugh system to relieve your tension and restore your sanity.
Once you are in a calmer mindset, you will be better equipped to handle the situation in a manner that you will not regret later. Fortunately you received the filter from thoughts to words as original installation.
In case your filter has a faulty installation, contact me at www.Elaine4Success.com for a filter implementation or repair.
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Dealing With Insults
Ouch! What do you do when a young colleague delivers a zinger?
Choices:
1. You can lash back with one of your own.
2. You can quietly slink away into an emotional corner.
3. You can resolve to get even
4. You can pick your ego up off the floor and commit to prove your value
On a call earlier today, a young “hot shot” uttered the emphatic line, “If a really old 50 year old woman can do this then so can everyone else.” He continued totally oblivious to the fact that one person on that elite management team call was 65.
In theory a filter exists between the thoughts and the verbal utterance of speech. Not always. Everyone has at one time or another spoken in haste and regretted the words. Words of anger or during high stress sometimes regretfully slip out. Profound sincere apologies soothe ruffled feelings; however, once the words break free into earshot, they can not be retracted. It is like hitting the “send” button on an email and instantly realizing the error. Too late. The “Undo” button does not work for “Message sent successfully.”
Even if no one else on the call registered the words, as the 65 year old person on the call, the words stung. What action comes next?
1. Lash back? Emotional retorts tend to transfigure the insult from a mosquito to a bumble bee sting. Everything becomes amplified and uncomfortable for everyone on the call. Emphasizing the degree of hurt rarely solves the issue. If you must present a verbal slap, at least do it off line.
2. Sulking in a “pity party” closet wastes time and accomplishes zero benefit. Give yourself five seconds if you must and move on with your day. Harboring hurt feelings is similar to dragging around baggage from your childhood. So what if your sister was given a prettier doll on her fifth birthday than you received. Get over it. Lugging around a sack of perceived injustices only slows you down on your journey toward success.
3. Resolve to get even. “Vengeance is mine,” said the Lord. He instead suggested forgiveness. Bullies in the school yard and people who are angry at life fight back with vengeance. You are a much bigger person than that. Being reluctant to forgive others can be an indication of not forgiving yourself. Even if you have a perfectly legitimate reason for being angry or hurt, indulging in those emotions wastes perfectly good time and energy.
4. Your ego is scattered on the floor in multiple pieces. Get a dustpan, super glue and put the puzzle together again. Taking positive action starts the healing process.
One young mother of five active little ones said,”I really would like to have a nervous break down, but I just don’t have the time.” It is almost impossible to be depressed and active at the same time.
Find your passion. Determine exactly what you want. Design a plan on acquiring that goal and go for it. When you are busy moving step by step up your career mountain, you will not have time to look back down the hill.
Various techniques exist for removing old emotional baggage.
Make a list of every injustice in your life. Crumple the list into a ball and throw it in the garbage. Throw the list in the fireplace, assuming you do not have a gas sealed fireplace. Put the list in a bucket and fill the bucket with water; leave it there until the paper dissolves.
In ancient times when the troubles of the village were overwhelming, a healthy male goat was brought into the temple. The priest put his hand on the head of the goat and recited a long list of woes. The goat was then released to run away. The modern term “scape goat” originated in this manner.
The only healthy solution is to reassemble your ego and move forward with your life. The original incident was not about you. It is only an insult to you if you accept it as such. You have a choice to accept it or move forward with your life with even more determination.
For more specific tips and techniques in dealing with life’s little dilemmas, send me your comments in the “contact Elaine” section of http://www.elaine4success.com/.
Choices:
1. You can lash back with one of your own.
2. You can quietly slink away into an emotional corner.
3. You can resolve to get even
4. You can pick your ego up off the floor and commit to prove your value
On a call earlier today, a young “hot shot” uttered the emphatic line, “If a really old 50 year old woman can do this then so can everyone else.” He continued totally oblivious to the fact that one person on that elite management team call was 65.
In theory a filter exists between the thoughts and the verbal utterance of speech. Not always. Everyone has at one time or another spoken in haste and regretted the words. Words of anger or during high stress sometimes regretfully slip out. Profound sincere apologies soothe ruffled feelings; however, once the words break free into earshot, they can not be retracted. It is like hitting the “send” button on an email and instantly realizing the error. Too late. The “Undo” button does not work for “Message sent successfully.”
Even if no one else on the call registered the words, as the 65 year old person on the call, the words stung. What action comes next?
1. Lash back? Emotional retorts tend to transfigure the insult from a mosquito to a bumble bee sting. Everything becomes amplified and uncomfortable for everyone on the call. Emphasizing the degree of hurt rarely solves the issue. If you must present a verbal slap, at least do it off line.
2. Sulking in a “pity party” closet wastes time and accomplishes zero benefit. Give yourself five seconds if you must and move on with your day. Harboring hurt feelings is similar to dragging around baggage from your childhood. So what if your sister was given a prettier doll on her fifth birthday than you received. Get over it. Lugging around a sack of perceived injustices only slows you down on your journey toward success.
3. Resolve to get even. “Vengeance is mine,” said the Lord. He instead suggested forgiveness. Bullies in the school yard and people who are angry at life fight back with vengeance. You are a much bigger person than that. Being reluctant to forgive others can be an indication of not forgiving yourself. Even if you have a perfectly legitimate reason for being angry or hurt, indulging in those emotions wastes perfectly good time and energy.
4. Your ego is scattered on the floor in multiple pieces. Get a dustpan, super glue and put the puzzle together again. Taking positive action starts the healing process.
One young mother of five active little ones said,”I really would like to have a nervous break down, but I just don’t have the time.” It is almost impossible to be depressed and active at the same time.
Find your passion. Determine exactly what you want. Design a plan on acquiring that goal and go for it. When you are busy moving step by step up your career mountain, you will not have time to look back down the hill.
Various techniques exist for removing old emotional baggage.
Make a list of every injustice in your life. Crumple the list into a ball and throw it in the garbage. Throw the list in the fireplace, assuming you do not have a gas sealed fireplace. Put the list in a bucket and fill the bucket with water; leave it there until the paper dissolves.
In ancient times when the troubles of the village were overwhelming, a healthy male goat was brought into the temple. The priest put his hand on the head of the goat and recited a long list of woes. The goat was then released to run away. The modern term “scape goat” originated in this manner.
The only healthy solution is to reassemble your ego and move forward with your life. The original incident was not about you. It is only an insult to you if you accept it as such. You have a choice to accept it or move forward with your life with even more determination.
For more specific tips and techniques in dealing with life’s little dilemmas, send me your comments in the “contact Elaine” section of http://www.elaine4success.com/.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Rocks of Life
My personal rock related to deservability. My mother, a gentle non-confrontational lady, always took the broken piece. When she served a cake or pie or anything, she always said "the broken piece belongs to the cook." Only the perfectly shaped and presented pieces were served to my father and brother. She always took the broken piece for herself. If there were two broken pieces, the second broken piece was automatically given to me; I was female, therefore, less than my father and brother. This innocent act impressed upon me that I was less deserving than the males. Females in our household were regarded as second class.
Who knows where this impression originated? The fact that it existed all during my youth and persisted through my adulthood formed a deservability issue in my soul. No malicious intent was intended. Perhaps my mother thought she was honoring my father and brother. Since she has passed away, I am no longer able to question her on her thoughts. She did not directly tell me I was inferior to my father and brother; however, the impression of my lesser worth impressed that fact upon my self worth. That feeling of inferiority existed as my emotional "rock in the field."
Throughout the next several years and decades, I struggled with deservability. Even though I worked hard and achieved, a plateau existed. It took years of intensive self examination and mental exercise to remove that emotional deservability rock. The fact that the rock no longer exists serves as proof that emotional rocks can be and should be demolished.
What emotional rock holds you back from achieving your dreams and goals? Have you placed a barrier in your own path to success? Identify each barrier and remove them. Self imposed rocks are removable. If you placed the rock in your own path for whatever reason, you are also capable of removing it. I'll gladly loan you my crow bar and ledge hammer. The relief experienced by demolishing that rock and carting it away to the dump feels like lifting Mount Everest from your shoulders and tossing it casually in a deep ravine never to be seen or heard from again.
For more inspiration, join me at http://www.elaine4success.com/
This series of rocks in your life will be continued. Let me assist you in clearing the entire field.
Who knows where this impression originated? The fact that it existed all during my youth and persisted through my adulthood formed a deservability issue in my soul. No malicious intent was intended. Perhaps my mother thought she was honoring my father and brother. Since she has passed away, I am no longer able to question her on her thoughts. She did not directly tell me I was inferior to my father and brother; however, the impression of my lesser worth impressed that fact upon my self worth. That feeling of inferiority existed as my emotional "rock in the field."
Throughout the next several years and decades, I struggled with deservability. Even though I worked hard and achieved, a plateau existed. It took years of intensive self examination and mental exercise to remove that emotional deservability rock. The fact that the rock no longer exists serves as proof that emotional rocks can be and should be demolished.
What emotional rock holds you back from achieving your dreams and goals? Have you placed a barrier in your own path to success? Identify each barrier and remove them. Self imposed rocks are removable. If you placed the rock in your own path for whatever reason, you are also capable of removing it. I'll gladly loan you my crow bar and ledge hammer. The relief experienced by demolishing that rock and carting it away to the dump feels like lifting Mount Everest from your shoulders and tossing it casually in a deep ravine never to be seen or heard from again.
For more inspiration, join me at http://www.elaine4success.com/
This series of rocks in your life will be continued. Let me assist you in clearing the entire field.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Grow and Prosper
You can not grow within and stand still in your life. Your personal life, financial life and business life absolutely prosper when you focus on your personal development. Jim Rohn, noted business philosopher, always declared the importance of working harder on yourself than you do on your business.
A major key to living a successful life centers around personal development. Throughout my life whenever I encountered a difficult situation, the cause was always related to my attitude. My feelings about a given situation or the people involved determined the outward results. Negative emotions or feeling out of control about anything in my life invariably led to a negative result. Blaming someone, including yourself, produces negative results. Playing the blame game never produces a positive result. For instance when you are lying awake at night tossing and turning and seething with angry thoughts, the other person sleeps peacefully. In many cases, the object of your distress may not even know a problem exists.
Somehow, even though it may feel difficult, search for the good in every event in your life. A job loss may feel like the end of the world for awhile. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and examine your options. Record numbers of people are starting their own home based business right now. Before their employment status changed, it felt safer to stay with the job even though they were unhappy than to look for something new. The job status change necessitated investigating new options. Sometimes what seems to be devastating at the moment results in a wonderful future.
Jeff’s franchise business collapsed leaving him with over a quarter million of personal debt. After starting his home based business, he paid off the debt and started earning a profit within less than a year. If the franchise had not folded, he would have continued working long hours and he would have remained in the bondage of debt for many years. The end of the franchise terrified him for awhile but later proved to be a blessing in his financial and personal life.
Attitude about the situation makes a tremendous difference. Your internal attitude about an event largely controls the outcome. Examine your emotions and beliefs. Somewhere deep within your mental programming lies the cause of many of your problems as well as the solution. Grow as a person through each event in your life. Do an intense self examination to discover the possible causes which led to the event.
1. Did your childhood programming set a negative tone regarding your deservability of becoming financially successful?
2. How focused were you in the performance of your job or business?
3. How dedicated were you to learning and implementing new ideas in your work?
4. What was your attitude at and about your work?
5. How long did you persevere before you ended the business or job?
How much time and focus do you dedicate on a daily basis toward your personal development? How many books have you read recently on personal development? What cd’s have you listened to in order to expand your thoughts in a positive direction?
When was the last time you masterminded with another positive minded individual? When was the last time you attended a live seminar or even watched a mind expanding DVD? When was the last time you meditated on how to improve your life? What positive affirmations do you write and speak daily?
Growing personally will assist you in growing professionally. Growing as a person improves every aspect of your life. People choose to be around you when you profess and exude a positive attitude.
A major key to living a successful life centers around personal development. Throughout my life whenever I encountered a difficult situation, the cause was always related to my attitude. My feelings about a given situation or the people involved determined the outward results. Negative emotions or feeling out of control about anything in my life invariably led to a negative result. Blaming someone, including yourself, produces negative results. Playing the blame game never produces a positive result. For instance when you are lying awake at night tossing and turning and seething with angry thoughts, the other person sleeps peacefully. In many cases, the object of your distress may not even know a problem exists.
Somehow, even though it may feel difficult, search for the good in every event in your life. A job loss may feel like the end of the world for awhile. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and examine your options. Record numbers of people are starting their own home based business right now. Before their employment status changed, it felt safer to stay with the job even though they were unhappy than to look for something new. The job status change necessitated investigating new options. Sometimes what seems to be devastating at the moment results in a wonderful future.
Jeff’s franchise business collapsed leaving him with over a quarter million of personal debt. After starting his home based business, he paid off the debt and started earning a profit within less than a year. If the franchise had not folded, he would have continued working long hours and he would have remained in the bondage of debt for many years. The end of the franchise terrified him for awhile but later proved to be a blessing in his financial and personal life.
Attitude about the situation makes a tremendous difference. Your internal attitude about an event largely controls the outcome. Examine your emotions and beliefs. Somewhere deep within your mental programming lies the cause of many of your problems as well as the solution. Grow as a person through each event in your life. Do an intense self examination to discover the possible causes which led to the event.
1. Did your childhood programming set a negative tone regarding your deservability of becoming financially successful?
2. How focused were you in the performance of your job or business?
3. How dedicated were you to learning and implementing new ideas in your work?
4. What was your attitude at and about your work?
5. How long did you persevere before you ended the business or job?
How much time and focus do you dedicate on a daily basis toward your personal development? How many books have you read recently on personal development? What cd’s have you listened to in order to expand your thoughts in a positive direction?
When was the last time you masterminded with another positive minded individual? When was the last time you attended a live seminar or even watched a mind expanding DVD? When was the last time you meditated on how to improve your life? What positive affirmations do you write and speak daily?
Growing personally will assist you in growing professionally. Growing as a person improves every aspect of your life. People choose to be around you when you profess and exude a positive attitude.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Enjoy---In Joy
Truly enjoying your life and your career brings a sense of peace, fulfillment and productivity. Tap in to your feelings and energy level as you conduct your daily activities. Emotions relate closely to your energy level.
Watch closely which activities you are performing when you feel so excited and vibrant that time rushes by without your awareness. Which activities are you engaged in when you become so engrossed that your energy level soars and your productivity escalates? These actions and activities reveal your special talents and interests; these specific activities relate to your genius. Now don’t get all flustered and think that “genius” means on a level with Einstein.
Every person has a special talent, a special gift. Each one of you has some special ability that you do better than anyone else. Yes, you! When you tap in to what you enjoy, you discover the emotion of being “in joy.” Everyone exhibits more productivity and more energy when they are working in their “genius.”
Step back and think for a moment. Are there some things you do which bring you so much pleasure that you feel as if you could keep doing that one specific activity for hours? Are there other acts which seem to drain the very life from you? Paying close attention to your energy level, productivity level, and emotions reveal your gifts.
How many of you right now feel that you are using your most productive talents and abilities in your work or career? I separated work and career because work frequently means a necessary act in order to put food on your table and pay the rent. Career on the other hand means an endeavor where you not only earn a living but feel fulfilled and productive. Going to a “job” means work to the large majority of people throughout the world. Having a career which lights a fire in your soul and makes you feel the emotion and excitement of a child on Christmas morning is the goal of the top ten percent. Only the top one percent actually experiences that feeling on a daily basis. Top three percent leaders and entrepreneurs truly live that experience on a very regular basis.
I feel very blessed to love my life and my career. No, it was not always that enjoyable. I have experienced several different employment situations and even a few different entrepreneurial endeavors which did not generate enjoyment. Being able to truly love what you do for a living and know that it not only brings value to others but also makes your spirit come alive, is truly a treat to your soul. Add the element of making an excellent living in the process and you have a winning combination.
Closely examine your life. Does your current income producing activity delight you or simply pay the bills. Ouch – even worse if it does not even pay the bills. There is an answer for you. Hope truly exists.
When the uneasiness of stepping out of your comfort zone, the “known zone” even though it is far from comfortable, looms less scary than the dream burning in your soul then you will take action.
Search your heart. Search your emotions. Search your energy. Revive your dreams.
Decide! Is where you are right now where you choose to stay for the remainder of your life? When the urge to fulfill your dream and your destiny becomes more powerful than your “known zone” you will achieve the thrill of emotional fulfillment, productivity and the realization of being able to enjoy life. You will be” in joy.”
Enjoy and be “in joy.” It takes a decision and action.
Come join me at Elaine4Success.com and together we will search and discover your joy.
Watch closely which activities you are performing when you feel so excited and vibrant that time rushes by without your awareness. Which activities are you engaged in when you become so engrossed that your energy level soars and your productivity escalates? These actions and activities reveal your special talents and interests; these specific activities relate to your genius. Now don’t get all flustered and think that “genius” means on a level with Einstein.
Every person has a special talent, a special gift. Each one of you has some special ability that you do better than anyone else. Yes, you! When you tap in to what you enjoy, you discover the emotion of being “in joy.” Everyone exhibits more productivity and more energy when they are working in their “genius.”
Step back and think for a moment. Are there some things you do which bring you so much pleasure that you feel as if you could keep doing that one specific activity for hours? Are there other acts which seem to drain the very life from you? Paying close attention to your energy level, productivity level, and emotions reveal your gifts.
How many of you right now feel that you are using your most productive talents and abilities in your work or career? I separated work and career because work frequently means a necessary act in order to put food on your table and pay the rent. Career on the other hand means an endeavor where you not only earn a living but feel fulfilled and productive. Going to a “job” means work to the large majority of people throughout the world. Having a career which lights a fire in your soul and makes you feel the emotion and excitement of a child on Christmas morning is the goal of the top ten percent. Only the top one percent actually experiences that feeling on a daily basis. Top three percent leaders and entrepreneurs truly live that experience on a very regular basis.
I feel very blessed to love my life and my career. No, it was not always that enjoyable. I have experienced several different employment situations and even a few different entrepreneurial endeavors which did not generate enjoyment. Being able to truly love what you do for a living and know that it not only brings value to others but also makes your spirit come alive, is truly a treat to your soul. Add the element of making an excellent living in the process and you have a winning combination.
Closely examine your life. Does your current income producing activity delight you or simply pay the bills. Ouch – even worse if it does not even pay the bills. There is an answer for you. Hope truly exists.
When the uneasiness of stepping out of your comfort zone, the “known zone” even though it is far from comfortable, looms less scary than the dream burning in your soul then you will take action.
Search your heart. Search your emotions. Search your energy. Revive your dreams.
Decide! Is where you are right now where you choose to stay for the remainder of your life? When the urge to fulfill your dream and your destiny becomes more powerful than your “known zone” you will achieve the thrill of emotional fulfillment, productivity and the realization of being able to enjoy life. You will be” in joy.”
Enjoy and be “in joy.” It takes a decision and action.
Come join me at Elaine4Success.com and together we will search and discover your joy.
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